"JUST... DO. IT." kinda sucks. "nothing is impossible", yeah, right.
I have to actually believe that I can do it. It's not about "just doing it" if I think that I just suck.
It's a nice catchphrase, though. "just do it". was that a Nike's commercial or something?

Stuff's rolling. I think I improved a little. More projects coming my way, that's nice.
It's counterintuitive, but - the more serious I am about a project - the greater is the chance for me to tilt like a little bitch. Fucking hillarious. How am I supposed to work around that? What if I really, really wanna do some "serious" stuff? And it's not just on "I wanna" level; more like "I have to" or "I feel obligated".

My typical creative process: 

- find a project to work on
- ask for Julia's blessing (anyone up for drawing an imaginary character? it would mean a shittonne to me)
- imagining the "demo" in my head
- mental demo into DAW
- foundation is done, critical thinking turns on : "this sucks, let's scrap this"
- one month later: "imagine if I did ....... and turned that thing I scrapped into a complete disaster"
- "oh, it's not that bad after all"
- GG. wtf.

Umm, actually, it's not wtf. It makes sense. According to CER and ETT, an emotion from anywhere in the spectrum can fuel an action. And I'm an idiot. Why do I think "stress" is associated with "serious/good" and "not-stress" with "not-serious/bad". Oh, well. Brain, good job. Have some kiwi pie as a reward.

It's been a little over year already. It think one year of grieving is enough. I don't feel like it, but I think it's enough.
According to some random shit, I survived one year and one day (ain't that Norse mythology?). This is my new life. All four seasons. I just gotta start moving. Hopefully.
"Special dates" of the year (why the fuck are they even "special") are not the same (same old, same old) but it's okay. I doesn't even make sense to blame anything or anyone. Fuck you, fuck the Universe, fuck Life, fuck God, fuck eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveeeeeeeeryone. I believe in Fortune though. Not gonna cuss at her. She might throw something worse my way if I do so. And I don't wanna even fathom what could that even be.

You know, I feel guilty if a day passes by and I don't remember you. I feel horrible if I do, but I feel the same if I don't. It kinda doesn't make sense because I don't even know what I'm supposed to remember. Everything's faded and filled with regret. And no, I'm not gonna open that box to refresh my memory. You can stay there. Be safe. Don't hold your breath. Seems like I'm gonna be stuck  here for a while.