00:00
00:00
View Profile whatusernamedood
^ It's a heartwave *__* Audiofag. The LoopMaster. Still a nobody!

Age 30

CET +01:00

Joined on 7/19/15

Level:
4
Exp Points:
175 / 180
Exp Rank:
> 100,000
Vote Power:
4.06 votes
Rank:
Civilian
Global Rank:
> 100,000
Blams:
2
Saves:
39
B/P Bonus:
0%
Whistle:
Normal
Medals:
67

{freewriting} What is a vulnerable god?

Posted by whatusernamedood - August 23rd, 2016


"Who do you think you are? No, you are not special. You are just another word in billions upon billions of words. You are going to fit neatly into my Great Plan, exactly how I want you to. Why do you even think you're too good for me? Are you a fancy puzzle piece from another fancy set? Eh, you are not good enough, anyway. I don't like what you stand for, this dictionary here says you are meaningless to me. And besides, arranged letters? We call those "words"? What's so extraordinary about that?"


Hey, I'm sorry, not everything is just about me. Maybe you'd like to be heard too, right?
I appreciate you. I think you're just fine. I don't care if there was Socrates once upon a time who thought of the exact same idea. You're not the same. No, I really mean it. Come, sit for a cup of coffee, I'd like your company. 
Now, tell me - what would you like?

Would you like to grow with me? Could that make you happy?
Am I good enough for you? Am I significant enough for you? I know you'll get jumbled in the process of translating my thoughts into words. I understand, it's risky.
Can you really trust me, will you really become something better, why would you even bother if it's just not worth it? 

I found it difficult to see past the "first impression". I'm sorry I called you "vague", but that's what you were to me at that moment in time. I'd like to get to know you better. You don't have to improve in any way to be "fitting" for me. Just lend me some of your time and attention because I'm interested in you. 
I don't know why. I really don't. I can't describe it. I find you appealing.

Of course, I understand. You don't want to do it. I respect you decision.
I guess I ruined my "first impression". I was too agressive and inconsiderate. I apologise.
Yes, of course, you have to go now. Farewell.

I can't help but wonder what would she be like.

What was so special about her anyway?
I don't know. 
What wasn't so special about me? C'mon, I'm unique.

I'll remember you. I'll miss you. I'll be angry with you. For I am God and everything within my grasp is mine and mine only. How could this happen?

But, still, I am powerless. I wished you would stay but you didn't.

What is a weak god? Does such a thing exist? Would anyone in their right mind worship a vulnerable god?
Can I, even, trust myself?
I mean, how can I? I rely on me and me only. But I am not strong enough. Seriously, how can I keep myself safe? How can I provide for myself?

It hurts. It fucking hurts. I cannot accept it. How does one even cope?
I can't be like that. I have to be big. I have to be strong. I have to be powerful. I must have everything.

Why is this happening to me? Just me? Exactly me, right at this moment? This is not the way to be. I need it.
I want it.
I can't go on like this. It's meaningless. It's just a little too much.

Awh, c'mon, I'm not that special.  Bad things happen just because. No one is punishing me. I'm not guilty of anything. I'm not a mistake. It wasn't chance, it wasn't destiny. It is out of my control for sure.

It is random and it always will be. And I accept it.

Patience. Perseverance. Gratitude.
My wants remain unchanged.

My faith shall not falter.
This is all I've got. This is my only shot.
 

"Pain without purpose is suffering."
 

 



If anything really stood out to you, point it out in the comments, pretty please.
Critiques are not important to me, currently.

I thank you for your time.
 


Not feeling this one much. Doesn't have the impact I wanted it to have. A few strings here and there but it's .... empty. Relatable? Maybe, but in a pretty sloppy way. It's lacking detail or something. It's not connected. This is buckshot, basically. It needs more LAZOR focus.

I'm happy with it anyway. I can see a Beethoven pattern with my stuff now - tragedy, tragedy, tragedy, catharsis. I don't know what to think about that.


Comments

Comments ain't a thing here.