We're all just stardust on a giant rock, floating in vacuum 'cause of some invisible force and we're revolving around a ball of burning hydrogen.
I sometimes look up at the stars and admire them. I'm just a piece of that...mere dust. What if I were whole?
Why the fuck are we here? Wait. Why the fuck am I here?

What's the point? The path (and not the goal) of finding the point? Distractions from the inevitable oblivion?
Some random people issued daycare? Done with that. It's supposed to bring me loads of dead, cooked, bleached trees so I can afford objects made of earthdust.
Some random people issued work? Like, just be here and waste your time and your nerves for electrons on a piece of dead dinosaur with a magnetic strip.
Other stardustlings? Other than procreating, is there another motive to waste your time on them? And time is oh so precious, yes?

Hi, galaxy! This is me, trying to be significant! How can you ever be significant? Is there a better life?
Better cards to be pulled? Did I lose my chance already? Are the doors to that multiverse already closed?
Can I just quit and reload from the last checkpoint? Maybe there's a walkthrough online somewhere too!

Can't help but to compare myself to the others. Do others ask these kinds of questions? I'm just a hunk of meat with a bag of chemicals inside, is there a cure? A chemical to "fix" me?

Isn't there something greater? We're all just walking, talking too-late-for-abortions (yes, planned parenthood is a lie, people have sex just because). Shouldn't there be something more? I dunno what. Something?

Like if you won the lottery and if you could get a genie with infinite wishes, what would you do? If there was a god mode?
I would probably just try to quit and reload. Maybe I could do it all better that time.
But again, there are so many people and places and books and experiences and whatevers you can consume before you run out of distractions.
I guess you can't drink life straight. It's fucking bland.

When I turned 18, I thought something magical would happen. Nope. Adulthood is a lie. You just grow bigger and look grown-up and get to do legal stuff. Woo.
And what do you do with your kids? You're still a grown kid. And everything you know is nothing. Is there anything to pass on?

Are we just like rats?
Like, if you put one in a maze and train it to find a way out, that knowledge won't be passed on onto the ratlings, so a rat will always remain a rat, it won't "evolve".
No, we are the great stardustlings! We have books and manuals. Progress! So much has changed, eh. All these new toys and we're still asking the same questions - "Why the fuck are we here?" and "Why the fuck am I obligated to live somehow?". Ask Socrates. Read anyone's thoughts in form of books or just ask. They're all the same. We haven't changed a bit. The technology and culture did.

Oh, yes, please, answer me.

This is just a black hole of regret over nothing. Because I have no idea what my life should've been like to compare it to in the first place. And, also, no idea of what it should be like.

I hate RPG games. They remind of life a little too much. So many stuff to explore, so many skill points and classes to fuck up, hoarding random items, wrong quest choices... Pure comedy.

What is life, anyway? A sequence of blurred memories? The present? The imagined future?
I would like some happy memories. Just something, anything. Everything I remember is pure regret.
And I would like a future worth hoping and striving for.
And the present?

Drrrrrrrrrrrrrrring. 20 minutes of freewriting are up. Whatever. I can hear my creativity flushing down the toilet. Fucking writing blogs and their tips.
still have no idea what I'm doing.